5 weeks

I'm officially 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant today! And so far Monday has been the only day that I've noticed a drastic change in my mood. I was so excited and happy in the morning because I was starting my new position back at Manomet Elementary school, but by the time I came home I was in a very depressed/frustrated state and had absolutely no reason for it.

On top of that, I had horrible cramping. It was like a never ending wave of period cramps, and every time I cough/sneeze it feels like a muscle is being pulled in my uterus. I know that all of this is normal because the uterus is a muscle and it is currently expanding to make room, and I also had spoken to a nurse at my doctors office. She said the only thing I need to look out for is heavy/clotting bleeding while severe cramping. Spotting is normal I guess too, which I'm glad she told me because I would have a heart attack if I ever saw one drop of blood.

Currently my concerns are just miscarriage and any future morning sickness. It's crazy that my first appointment is still over a month away :( I can't wait for it to be time to hear/see the baby. It's really nerve-wracking to sit here for 8-10 weeks just praying that the baby is still doing well in your body but having no idea or control over it at all. I'm just trying to stay positive and keep my mind off all the bad things that can happen.

I'm honestly afraid to tell the rest of my family. I don't plan to do it until 12 weeks but when I was visiting with them the other day I realized how judgmental they all actually are, and I just KNOW what they're going to say. "It was an accident wasn't it?" or "You really should have waited until you get your own house." But we discussed everything and even after talking to my grandmother (she's the only one outside of my immediate family that knows we were TTC) I realized that it doesn't matter. I had this idea in my head that we have to do things the "right" way. Marriage, baby, house. We have a roof over our heads and even though it may not be our name on the home loan or our own apartment, things have gotten a LOT better since last year. There's only 4 of us living here now instead of 8 and it's two couples. They may not be the cleanest people in the world but it is nowhere near as bad as it was 6 months ago. Everyone is pulling their weight for the most part and I'm a lot happier living here now. We've been working with a few different loan advisers and each one has told us that come January there's not reason why we shouldn't get pre-approved and then approved in April for a home loan. That's months before the baby arrives, and even if we don't find our dream home right away, we have a room right next to ours that is going to be the nursery. We didn't feel like waiting any longer for such stupid reasons.
         This is the BEST time for us financially to have a baby. And we want two children, two years apart, and both of them to be here before we're 30. I always dreamed of having my first before I was 26 and trying now was just the perfect time for us. Honestly, I don't know why I care what they think. We're happy, I'm happy and we'll be even happier when we have our very first child here with us. Just because my living situation isn't ideal, doesn't mean it's horrid or that we're irresponsible. If anyone knows me they know that I weigh the pros and cons to EVERY single decision that I make, and that I always try to make the best and smartest decision. This was our decision and I will never, ever regret it.

Anyway, after that long tangent, tonight we plan to take our first weekly picture. I bought a small chalkboard in a frame from Walmart and am going to use that in the picture to show how far along I am. I'm still debating on whether or not to try to wear the same outfit in each picture, we'll see!