Fetus-hood

I'm 9 weeks and 1 day today :) Yesterday was really funny, I'm a member of the "BabyBump" app and it requires an email. I've gotten quite a few really useful emails from them since I signed up, but yesterday's was just cute and funny.

It said:
"Baby's now the size of a green olive!
Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!" 

I just thought that was so awesome! It's crazy to know that there is actually something living inside of me now. Not just a bunch of cells forming into something, it's an actual baby! Baby bump has really helped a lot, there are so many women on the forums that help each other out with everything you can think of. Any doubt you have in your mind you can ask and SOMEONE has been through it or has an answer to help you through it. The app has also sent me emails that I'm really glad I received. For instance, it told me that health insurance companies now have to at least help you pay for a breast pump, if not cover the entire cost. It has to be from a medical supply company though, and based on my area code baby bump located one near me, gave me the name, address and phone number for it! Once I'm 12 weeks I'm going to call them. That is one thing that I have definitely learned we need to invest in. Especially if I'm going to stay working. I want my baby breast fed, even if I can't actually breast feed, I want him/her drinking breast milk. So pumping would be the only option. I've also read several blogs where women start pumping almost right away and have pumped enough milk that by 11 weeks post partum, they have enough milk to feed the baby past their first birthday. Obviously everyone is different, there are complications, or things just don't work out. But I'd really like to do that if I'm going back to work, it would make my life so much easier. And if that's the case, I'm going to need a REALLY good pump. Preferably a hands free one which are close to $400! Ahhh.

My first appointment is less than a week away and I'm getting very anxious. I can't wait to see an actual picture of how things are going in there! I'm even more excited to hear the heart beat. It'll bring such relief once we hear it. I think once I hear it things will start feeling real. Not that they don't already, but then I will feel less doubt, I'll feel like this pregnancy has truly and actually started. Then once 12 weeks comes around I can start buying things little by little. I can't wait for that part! :)

I have been keeping up with weekly pictures, but have also decided that I want to do monthly pictures. I went on Etsy and found a really cool thing called "belly buttons." It's really cute designed stickers that you can stick on your belly or clothes while taking a picture. It has every month (in weeks, so 2 months would be 8 weeks) all the way up until 40 weeks. I bought the larger ones because they're easier to see from further away. These are them:

I haven't decided if I'm actually going to stick them to me, or punch a hole through the top of it and put a blue and pink ribbon through it, and tie it around the top of my belly. I found a really cute picture on pinterest of how I want it to look but with the stickers I bought:

I think that would be really cute, but with my face and everything in it. We'll see!

8 weeks

Officially 8 weeks today! It's exciting, knowing I'm officially more than just one month pregnant!

Not too much has changed, I'm still feeling the same symptoms with just a few more added onto them. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable in jeans, I know it's not because of a baby bump just yet, mostly bloat, but I can literally feel my uterus expanding. It's crazy! It hurts to cough, sneeze or stretch. If I do any of those things I have to hold my lower abdomen so that I can't feel the stretching/tearing feeling. It's very strange.

My first doctors appointment is two weeks from today! I'm still very nervous about it but am trying to stay positive. It's incredible how scary pregnancy can be when you truly think about it. I've always been fascinated and obsessed with pregnancy for as long as I can remember, but even reading and talking to pregnant women for as long as I have, nothing can prepare you for when you go through it yourself. I had no idea how exhausting it was. I knew that it was tiring, I mean your body is MAKING a human inside of itself, but I never thought I'd be so exhausted this early on. 2 months pregnant and I can barely keep my eyes open past 10:30pm when I used to not be able to fall asleep before midnight! I struggle to breathe after going up and down the stairs, or walking for extended periods of time. By then end of the day I have absolutely no motivation to do anything! While talking to Tim about how tiring this whole thing is, I brought up the fact that I can't imagine what it'll be like when he/she is finally here. Sleep will be minimal, I'll be breast feeding (hopefully!) which is a job on it's own, and I will be caring for another life on top of my own 24/7. It's making me reconsider going back to work in September.

Everyone tells me I have plenty of time to make that decision, and that's very true. But like my mom has been saying, you never know which is truly the right choice. If you work, you feel guilty thinking that you should be the one at home caring for your child, but if you stay home you feel guilty thinking that you should be out there making money and contributing to your family income. Luckily, I have a husband who's never held that against me and truly wants me to be a stay at home mother if that's what my heart desires. But, he's also very understanding when I talk about the need to feel like I'm helping and making a difference in our lives. He always brings up a valid point that most men I've talked to never seem to understand: "Being a mother is a full time job, and you will never get the time you miss with your child back. Even if you only work part time, babies grow quickly and they won't be babies for long, jobs will always be there."

Regardless of what happens, I know that whatever decision I make it will be the best one for us at the time. We'll see what happens in 7 or so months :)

Morning..or all day sickness?

I'm 6 weeks and 5 days today and I think it's begun. The one thing I was dreading the most, morning sickness :(

I suppose I can't complain too much because I haven't actually gotten sick to my stomach, but the nausea is out of control. I will be feeling fine one minute and the next I feel like gagging. I also have these spells where I feel fine and then all of a sudden I'm on the verge of passing out, or so it seems. I haven't passed out or anything but I start feeling very sick and run to the bathroom, then I have to lay down on the floor because I'm so hot and queasy. I'm sweating and breathing heavy and then it'll pass. It's always the backs of my knees that start sweating and my ears that feel hot when this happens. I'm assuming it's normal? I don't know but it's just so frustrating because it's so unpredictable and I'm petrified of this happening while I'm at work. I'm praying that it doesn't. Luckily I don't have "morning sickness" because I feel great in the morning, it's usually around 10pm that I really start feeling awful and need to sleep it off. For the last two days though, the nausea has happened throughout the day especially when I think about certain foods. Earlier today I was craving sour pickles and about 15 minutes later while looking for them, the thought of them made me want to throw up. Same thing with pumpkin spice cupcakes, they sounded SO delicious and then an hour later when I went to the store I couldn't even stomach thinking about them. That's the worst thing about it so far I think, craving something but not being able to eat it. It makes me not want to eat anything at all!


The ONE and only thing that I've been craving for weeks and has yet to make me feel gross is a turkey sub with provolone cheese, lettuce and pickles. And I can't even have it because I can't have lunch meat :(

My current concern is our upcoming and first ultra sound and whether or not the baby is healthy. I'm so happy that it's only a few weeks away, but I'm scared for any bad news. Praying for a happy and healthy baby!

We've officially (for now haha) decided on the two girls names we like. We want two names for each gender when we go in for delivery. I want to look at our baby and then decide which name fits him/her the best! It's exciting but frustrating because Tim and I never have the same taste in names! Hopefully over the next 8 months or so we can figure it out.


Well that's it for now. Not much excitement is going on with the baby only being the size of a pea :)

This is a short one

5 weeks and 6 days. For the last week or so I've been researching a lot on breast feeding. I've always said that I will breast feed my children, and I still want to. But it's really intimidating reading the blogs of the mothers who seem like experts. I can't wait to do it and feel how magical it is, but I'm scared I won't be able to. I find myself getting scared about just about everything lately.

I have to remember to stay positive and pray for the best. God has blessed us this far, and He will continue to do so, I just have to have faith.

Currently I'm still lucky enough to be without morning sickness. I do feel nausea often but it's nothing I can't seem to get under control which is really great because I hate being sick. My boobs are literally killing me. They are so sore ALL the time. It feels like they are full of lead and are just waiting to explode. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like once I start producing milk.. dear lord.

Right now my concerns are still miscarriage, and also being prepared for parenthood. I'm trying to keep a list of things we will need to buy. And not a list of things like a crib or changing table, a list that includes things like oral medicine syringes, breast pumps, thermometers, things you wouldn't normally think about needing but that are absolute necessities. Can you see now why I'm a stress freak? Hahah

5 weeks

I'm officially 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant today! And so far Monday has been the only day that I've noticed a drastic change in my mood. I was so excited and happy in the morning because I was starting my new position back at Manomet Elementary school, but by the time I came home I was in a very depressed/frustrated state and had absolutely no reason for it.

On top of that, I had horrible cramping. It was like a never ending wave of period cramps, and every time I cough/sneeze it feels like a muscle is being pulled in my uterus. I know that all of this is normal because the uterus is a muscle and it is currently expanding to make room, and I also had spoken to a nurse at my doctors office. She said the only thing I need to look out for is heavy/clotting bleeding while severe cramping. Spotting is normal I guess too, which I'm glad she told me because I would have a heart attack if I ever saw one drop of blood.

Currently my concerns are just miscarriage and any future morning sickness. It's crazy that my first appointment is still over a month away :( I can't wait for it to be time to hear/see the baby. It's really nerve-wracking to sit here for 8-10 weeks just praying that the baby is still doing well in your body but having no idea or control over it at all. I'm just trying to stay positive and keep my mind off all the bad things that can happen.

I'm honestly afraid to tell the rest of my family. I don't plan to do it until 12 weeks but when I was visiting with them the other day I realized how judgmental they all actually are, and I just KNOW what they're going to say. "It was an accident wasn't it?" or "You really should have waited until you get your own house." But we discussed everything and even after talking to my grandmother (she's the only one outside of my immediate family that knows we were TTC) I realized that it doesn't matter. I had this idea in my head that we have to do things the "right" way. Marriage, baby, house. We have a roof over our heads and even though it may not be our name on the home loan or our own apartment, things have gotten a LOT better since last year. There's only 4 of us living here now instead of 8 and it's two couples. They may not be the cleanest people in the world but it is nowhere near as bad as it was 6 months ago. Everyone is pulling their weight for the most part and I'm a lot happier living here now. We've been working with a few different loan advisers and each one has told us that come January there's not reason why we shouldn't get pre-approved and then approved in April for a home loan. That's months before the baby arrives, and even if we don't find our dream home right away, we have a room right next to ours that is going to be the nursery. We didn't feel like waiting any longer for such stupid reasons.
         This is the BEST time for us financially to have a baby. And we want two children, two years apart, and both of them to be here before we're 30. I always dreamed of having my first before I was 26 and trying now was just the perfect time for us. Honestly, I don't know why I care what they think. We're happy, I'm happy and we'll be even happier when we have our very first child here with us. Just because my living situation isn't ideal, doesn't mean it's horrid or that we're irresponsible. If anyone knows me they know that I weigh the pros and cons to EVERY single decision that I make, and that I always try to make the best and smartest decision. This was our decision and I will never, ever regret it.

Anyway, after that long tangent, tonight we plan to take our first weekly picture. I bought a small chalkboard in a frame from Walmart and am going to use that in the picture to show how far along I am. I'm still debating on whether or not to try to wear the same outfit in each picture, we'll see!

Impatient!

Today I found myself thinking nonstop about this pregnancy and the future. I am so excited, but so deathly afraid at the same time. Will I be a good mother? Us good parents?

Will we know what to expect and/or what to do when the baby comes or if the baby is sick? A million thoughts like these are constantly running through my mind and not knowing the answers scares me. But, most women including my mother have all said that instincts will take over and that's a little relieving to hear.

Right now I find myself dreaming of all the cute things that come along with pregnancy. Maternity clothes, maternity pictures, the weekly baby belly photos, and of course baby names.

Speaking of baby names, that brings me to a very important point. Tim and I do not want to know the sex of our baby until the day he or she comes into the world. We love the idea of being surprised and having the doctor say "It's a ___!" at the most perfect moment. This has been something we've both always wanted and have talked about since before we even got married. Everyone thinks we're crazy to not want to know because it makes everything "easier" when you do. I see the point they're trying to make, but that's just not the way we want to do it.

I think the hardest thing about pregnancy for me so far is knowing what I can/can't eat and what I can/can't do. It sucks, but I'd rather be safe than sorry, so I'm following the guidelines to a tee. My only symptoms are cramping, still just being very tired at the end of the day and having sore breasts. I've heard that morning sickness for a lot of women happens between the 5th and 6th week, so we'll see what happens shortly. I've been very fortunate so far in that aspect of things.

Fingers crossed for a happy and healthy 9 months!

The Start of Something New... Literally.

Well, I deleted my previous posts from a couple of years ago because I wanted a new slate. I wanted a change. And I certainly got one!!

On Sunday, October 13, 2013 I found out that I am pregnant! I couldn't believe it when I saw the second pink line appear within 30 seconds of peeing on that little stick. :)

We had been actively trying to conceive (TTC) since June 2013. After reading up on everything and talking to my doctor, I knew that it would take a few months at least, maybe even a year if everything went perfectly, to conceive. But every month when the deadly red decided to show her face, I couldn't help but get depressed that we hadn't made a baby. But this month I just had a feeling that this would be it. I told myself that I wouldn't take a home pregnancy test until I missed my period, but I took it 6 days before it was due and got a positive! I just had a strange feeling. My breasts were sore and I was feeling very moody. Almost all the same symptoms as PMS, but I just felt different.

So here we are today, almost a week later, I am 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant, due on June 25, 2013. And I am really hoping I go early or a week late considering my birthday is June 30th!

I haven't told anyone but my immediate family. I probably shouldn't have even told them this early just in case, God forbid, something happens. But I just had to. My mom is my advice giver and someone I rely on to help calm me down after talking to. I told them by sitting in the same room and sending them a picture text of my positive HPT. My dad got it first and kind of stared at it because his phone is so small. Then he looked at me and said "You're pregnant?!?!?!?!?!? CONGRATULATIONS!......Don't tell anyone until 12 weeks though. Oh my God you shouldn't have told me, what if something happens? I can't deal with a miscarriage it'll kill me" and then my mom said "NO WAY! Congratulations!! Hold on a minute" went into the other room, and gave me a few baby items that she had already bought for me! My immediate family and my grandmother are the only ones who knew that we were even TTC. Not to sound selfish, but we didn't want to tell anyone because we weren't sure how things were going to go. We didn't want the pressure from others outside of our relationship, especially because we weren't sure if we were both able to have children in general. With so many issues these days with infertility we wanted to go about it in our own way and see what happened.

I am very excited and find myself constantly thinking about it. I have always, always, always dreamed of being a mother and now it's time for that dream to become a reality! I can't wait to feel our baby move and have a baby bump, I can't wait for labor (I know that sounds crazy), and I can't wait to hold our miracle in my arms for the first time. I just don't know how I'll be able to wait 36 more weeks!

I don't have many symptoms other than really sore breasts, little cramping, and a lot of gas (TMI). I luckily don't have too much nausea right now, only after I eat and then it subsides quickly.

I am also very happy to have read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" a few months ago to know what I can and cannot eat, and what I can and shouldn't do while pregnant. I almost cleaned the cat box until I remembered reading that it's a big no no for women who are expecting.

I called the doctor on Tuesday morning to make an appointment and my first ultrasound is on Tuesday, November 26, 2013. I can't wait!

I am just so happy, and even my mood swings seem to go in a more positive direction. Instead of being a crazed lunatic, I am just overly happy :)